(no subject)

So, I feel like I'm neglecting my friends who haven't been reading my other blog. Time for actual stuff from my life, instead of... Yeah, I'm tired of talking about it. Still, though, check it out.

So, today the weather was perfect. Absolutely perfect. In fact, the entire day was pretty much perfect, overall. Except for the part where I didn't quite finish my revised draft for my second piece for Fiction. Though, to be honest, that piece was probably not headed for a quick rewrite. It might even have to go into being a novel rather than a short story. There's too much to include.

Anyway, we got to do a final workshop bit for the revised drafts, in a quick form, by going in groups and just reading stories. My group went out on the common.

While we were sitting down, I did kind of get caught in the sort of lose-lose conversation that I never expected to find myself in. Basically, I think she thought she'd caught me staring at her legs. I wasn't (I was actually just looking at the ground in front of me), at least until she "caught" me. Anyway, long story short, I'm being forced to talk about whether her legs are hairy or not (I'd say not, but I was too scared to catch more than a glimpse or two by that point). I fell into bumbling oaf mode. I think I managed to give the right answer, but I don't think I managed to disguise the subtext of my thoughts very well.

That said, I don't think she would have assumed that I was looking at her legs if she couldn't already guess that. Especially since we've been in that class, and another class, since the beginning of the semester, and it's not like we've never spoken.

Yeah, I'm a dipshit. An idiot. A nincompoop. Though really, as long as I don't come across as sketchy, I'm find with whatever she thinks of me at this point.

(no subject)

Oh, hey, here's something cool: my housing selection time is from 3:07 to 3:14. My class registration is at 3:15. Both of these are tomorrow afternoon.

I've also got a book to read and a project I should have spent all semester working on (I've done enough work to suggest that I have been spending all semester on it, but it's not as much effort as I'd like. She should recognize that it wasn't all done in the past month, at least), both also due tomorrow.

I'm so excited for all of this.

(no subject)

So, I turned on anonymous commenting on my other blog, so you can comment on it without making an account.

And I put a link to it on my last entry here.

I don't really have anything else today for here. It's kind of been dull today.

Oh, except I'm watching "Thank God You're Here," and it's far better B-list celebrity entertainment than anything on VH1.

(no subject)

I'm considering doing a second blog, one specifically for rants, rather than this one for the personal stuff. You know, where I'd just write short essays for whatever I feel like writing about, and doing it on a regular schedule. I've done it a few times here, but this is sort of a personal space. Like, this is the place where I'd just write about how I feel like a loser who looks at too much internet porn. On this hypothetical second blog, I'd write about the cultural implications of all of that internet porn. (by the way, I do feel like a loser who looks at too much internet porn. Though, in fact, "too much" may be redundant in that sentence.)

I'm not sure I'd really have anything interesting to say, and I certainly don't have anything focused to say. I mean, this wouldn't be about politics (seriously, all I can really pay attention to nowadays are blogs regarding politics), though I might include political opinions sometimes. And I probably would include movie reviews sometimes. Which would mean that I'd probably quit updating just with posts like my last one. Which might be a good thing.

Who knows, I might even post some of my fiction on it, or at least excerpts of it.

So, thoughts? It probably wouldn't be a livejournal account, just so I don't have to bother with two accounts on this site. I think blogspot is free, but I can't tell. And in case you didn't get it at the beginning, I'd still be doing this thing.

Edit: Made it. Url is this:

(no subject)

See Grindhouse in theaters. Do not wait until it comes out on DVD. It won't feel the same.

I mean, when it comes out on DVD, you could still see it, but know that you're missing out on something if you do not see it in theaters.

Seriously, I know that seeing Quentin Tarantino melt and vomit up his internal organs would not be the same on the small screen. Or, for that matter, seeing Cheech Marin as a priest with two (TWO!) shotguns could never match up if he wasn't the actual size of a whale.

I liked the movie. Can you tell?

(no subject)

Workshop went far better today than the last time. I mean, aside from the fact that all of the problems that people had are ones that I know precisely how I'm going to fix (as opposed to knowing all of the problems and having little to no idea how any could be solved), there's also the fact that the teacher actually seemed to get the message of the story. As did a lot of people. I seem to have accomplished what I needed to in the first draft. Now I just need to get the second-draft stuff done. But first draft's pretty good right now.

God... I managed to lull myself for a little bit, but I'm still a nervous wreck, and things are going to go downhill, I know it. Mostly because I know what's due soon...

(no subject)

Dear whoever the fuck reads this,

I'm about to have a mental breakdown. Except I'm not, because the only thing I can think of to do that is to shave as much of my body hair as I can. Seriously, that's the best I can think of to express the fact that I'm mentally unstable right now. I think it's a sign that I'm still too sane to do be spontaneous. Considering that my inability to do anything spontaneous right now is one of the things that is leading to me feeling like I've locked myself away in solitary confinement, this can't be good.

Also, I'm almost positive that no one will notice if I do something stupid. I may shave my head. It's been crossing my mind lately. Not like in a chrome-dome way, just some peach-fuzz left. Because I plan to do this on my own, if I do it. That and maybe a hunger strike for something. Maybe just a hunger strike. I'll refrain from eating while the sun is up.

That could work, right? Or I'd just stop eating during daylight for a week or two. I don't know.

Look, the fact is that I'm unbearably lonely right now. I've alienated all of the people I thought were my friends here. Or maybe I was just a tag-along all along. It doesn't really matter, same result and same root cause. I don't know how to be a friend. It doesn't come naturally to me. Which is annoying, because the one thing I know about myself is that I could never be a bad guy. Somehow, I managed to make friends at the Theater Project, but I haven't seen any of them in a while, and when we do see each other, it's not casual hanging-out, but a haphazardly-planned get-together of usually precisely two hours, with half the group leaving after the first hour. Then again, this is just the ones I know about.

At least with the Theater Project, I know why I'm a little more isolated. I know I'm a close friend to you guys, but I've always been isolated, and the only time I managed to spend with you guys was in rehearsal for one thing or another, or sometimes after rehearsal when I could manage it ahead of time.

This must be the twentieth time on this livejournal that I've ranted about how I'm lonely, but if you're reading this and wondering why I don't do something about this myself, since you're tired of hearing it; I don't fucking know how. I'm wired wrong or something. I never got the manual that told me how to do whatever it is that I need to do. Hell, I never got the memo that told me what to do. Seriously, I know I'm fucking tired of writing this stuff, but nothing in my life has changed, and I can't figure out how to change it without a little fucking guidance.

To put it simply, I'll use an event that happened recently. I decided to randomly walk around Boston. I didn't actually walk that far, and the important thing happened in the Public Garden, so it doesn't actually matter where I walked to. Basically, as I was walking around, I saw a quote written on the path in chalk, saying "Knowledge comes to those who seek it." Now, I'm pretty sure that I've heard that quote before, or it's just one of those generic quotes about wisdom that they insert in various movies that want to sound profound. But here's the thing; I'm trying to seek the knowledge. But I don't know where to start. Or what to look for.

All I know is that if I do a google search to solve my problems, I'm probably going to get porn sites on the first page. At least with these problems.

(no subject)

So, I think I killed a guy's grandfather.

It's a long story, but I'm basically cursed. When I bookmark a webcomic, there's a 25% chance that they will immediately go into a hiatus. When I bookmarked Sokora Refugees, it went on hiatus for a few months, for an unknown reason. Same with Chugworth Academy. Zebra Girl, a comic that had at one point been updating daily for years, suddenly saw its author hit a long streak of writer's block that has made him unable to do more than an update a month. It's still going on. I believe I bookmarked Holy Bibble not long before they went on a break, including a faked war between the writer and artist.

Usually, this curse manifests in slightly late updates, usually minor enough that I don't get a chance to notice it. This time, however...

The day that I bookmark this comic, No Need for Bushido, one of the guys who make it announces that the other guy's grandfather has died, and thus the comic is not going to update for a week or two. In other words, immediately after I bookmark the site, events force them to not update the comic.

I can't ignore the signs of a curse, that has now resulted in someone's death. I can only guess that the next time my curse manifests itself, the artist or writer or artist/writer of the webcomic will die themselves.

In serious news... You know what, no, if you want serious news, go here:

I may whine and complain in this thing too fucking much, but at least I know that these are the rantings of an unimportant person. My problems are lesser than the rest of the world, my life is cushy, and--

Wait, scratch that, don't go to the above website. Go to this one:

I may be indecisive, but as easy as it is to digest, CNN is not exactly the pinnacle of news.

Okay, in more realistic news relating to myself... Damn, I've still got nothing. Except more homework issues. I will say that, when I finally get my short story with the genie done, I will feel relief like nothing else. Seriously, by Monday, I think I'll be out of homework assignments for a few weeks.

Oh, except for my aesthetic diary for Visual Arts. That's due in a couple of weeks. I need to get out and do that. And I need to do my beard-off stuff. Time has flown by way too quickly these past couple of weeks.

Time is moving too fast...

(no subject)

So, I've been feeling like shit lately. I'm honestly not sure if I'm actually depressed or if I'm feeling like shit emotionally because I'm feeling like shit physically, from one of my most painful colds in a long time. I mean, I've had colds before, but this one feels like it's been actively trying to kill me. It's not doing a great job, but it feels like these little virii are trying their goshdarn best. They're working their little viral asses off to do whatever they can. The best they've been able to do is make me go through the equivalent of two boxes of tissues in a single weekend, and make my throat so fucking sore.

There's also the small matter of me being unable to do any work. Like, any work. Even the stuff I'm electing to do on my own time, for my own purposes, I just don't have the energy to do them.

Like, for instance, I was on Exitmundi yesterday, and used its description of Ragnarok to come up with an idea for a novel. It works perfectly in my head, but I just don't have the energy to start it.

Or the various homework things I have to do. Honestly, I think they might have helped me feel worse, from the physical stress, as well as the depression.

Also, why is it that I can't figure out things to do? It's like I've lost all original thought regarding my life. Or I've never had it. Or I'm just completely unable to figure out things to do by myself. Am I truly that dependent on others?

Yes, yes, I know the answer. I think I can't wait for my next birthday. I don't care about drinking, but I don't want to have to figure out how to get a fake id in order to go to a bar, and thus a social setting. Maybe I should try to find non-poetry readings of writing, since going to hear writers read their work is pretty much the only thing I can think of beyond going to a bar that would actually interest me. And even then, I don't really have much that I can think of to do that involves going outside during the day.

Also, I haven't been to the gym much since Spring Break, but now I don't know if it'd be a smart idea to go back until I'm healthy again. Except the last time I stopped from a cold ended up as an excuse to reach 260 lbs.